Baby #2, and our biggest trial yet.

We are expecting baby #2.

Unfortunately along with this exciting announcement comes some bad news too. It'll probably be best if I just explain how things have happened. Bear with me if you want to read the whole story...it's a long one, but it'll help you understand a lot of what may be going up on our blog over the next few months and what our family will be going through. We're going to need all the love, support, and prayers we can get.

We went in for our first prenatal appointment on Monday, March 12. I hit the 13 week mark the next day. At that first appointment my doctor said my uterus was measuring higher than a 13 week uterus...more like a 15-16 week uterus. She checked for the baby's heartbeat (which was good and strong), and then pulled out an ultrasound machine just to make sure there weren't two babies! That sure made our hearts jump! She could only see one baby (and the baby was even sucking its thumb at one point, so cute), but she still wanted us to have an official ultrasound that week to check the baby's measurements and make sure my due date of September 18th was correct. On Tuesday I scheduled the ultrasound for Friday.

Darwin had Friday off and we were SO excited to go in for this ultrasound and see our teeny little baby again. Aurora was adorable during the ultrasound--she could tell it was the baby on the screen and she'd point at the screen and sign "baby" (which is by far her most favorite sign she knows now...she signs it ALL the time!). It was so precious. She loves this baby just as much as we do already! So...during the ultrasound I could see that the ultrasound tech was measuring what looked like a pocket of fluid somewhere on the baby. I asked what she was measuring and she said she thought it may have been the yolk sack (looking back now, I think she was just trying to be safe with her answer). After she took more measurements she said she wanted the radiologist to come in and look at the baby too. The radiologist came back in with the tech and they took a whole bunch more measurements. It made me a little bit nervous when he had her check and double check to make sure all of the baby's limbs were there, but I was trying to not freak out at this point, even though I could tell something was not quite right. When they were done, the radiologist said our baby had some "thickening" on the back of the head and neck and that the baby's chest and abdomen were measuring larger than they should be. He said he was going to write up the report right away, send it up to my doctor, and that my doctor would probably want to talk to us immediately about the results. We were sent to the waiting room to wait. Now I was really trying to stay calm and not panic, because we really didn't know what was going on yet. It's a good thing Aurora is so dang cute and such a good distraction sometimes. She has really helped us stay sane a lot over the last week.

The baby's right arm. I keep telling Aurora the baby is waving and saying "Hi, Aurora!" She loves it :)

After waiting for a bit, the tech came out and said my doctor did want to talk to us right away so we went upstairs to her office. We waited some more and then she came in. She said it was not good news. She confirmed what the radiologist said about the "thickening" and large body (although the baby is measuring right on schedule according to the head-to-rump measurement they took). She said those signs are indicative of a chromosomal abnormality and that our baby will most likely not survive. I broke down crying immediately when I heard that, and she teared up too. Dar was trying his best to keep it all together. A lot of what she told us after that is kind of a blur, but she said she wanted us to go see a specialist on Monday (which was this past Monday). She was extremely sorry to have to tell us that awful, unexpected news, and I feel bad for her that she has to give news like that to her patients sometimes. I seriously have the sweetest doctor ever. She cried with me when I had the miscarriage back in 2009, too. We love our doctor.

The rest of Friday was really hard for Darwin and me. We both cried a lot. We held each other, and we cried some more...trying to wrap our heads around this complete turn of events. We went to his parents house to talk to his dad and work in the garden to try to get our minds off things. My sweet in-laws took us to dinner to spend some time with us and to let us talk about things. It really helped. After dinner they came to our house and Dar's dad gave him a priesthood blessing, and then Dar gave me one too. We all cried together, but felt comfort and that the Lord is mindful of us.

Saturday we tried to keep ourselves busy by helping to clean our church, run some errands, and we took Aurora swimming for a bit too. Saturday night Darwin and I went to the temple. We REALLY needed it. Probably more than ever before, and we found the peace and comfort we were seeking. While we were there, Darwin and I both felt that even though our situation and the road ahead is going to be hard, the hardest thing we've ever done, that everything will turn out okay in the end. No matter what happens. We're so grateful for the peace and calm feelings we've had, even with the difficulty and weight of what we've learned over the past week.

On Monday we went to the hospital for another ultrasound and to talk to a specialist. He looked at the baby very thoroughly and in as much detail as possible with the baby still being so small. He said that the "thickening" the baby has is called cystic hygroma and extends along the baby's head, neck, and back.

The entire area to the right of the blue line is the baby's cystic hygroma

He also confirmed that the baby's chest and abdomen are larger than they should be, and also confirmed that these are both signs of a chromosomal abnormality. He said that because the baby is still so small it's hard to get a good look at the developing organs, but from what he could see during the ultrasound, he said our baby most likely has a heart defect also. He talked to us for a long time about the implications of what our baby has, and where to go from here. Because terminating the pregnancy is NOT an option for us, because of our own personal choice, we decided to wait a month to do further testing. Mid-April we'll go in for another ultrasound and amniocentesis to have genetic testing done on the baby's chromosomes to find out what kind of chromosomal abnormality our baby has. It will take 2-3 weeks for the results of the amniocentesis to come back. So right now we're just playing the waiting game and trying to live each day the best we can, and take things as they come.

One of the hardest things for me is knowing that we could lose the baby in the meantime. No matter what happens, the road ahead will be extremely difficult at times. We're just trying to hold on to our faith with as much strength as we can muster, and know that our Father in Heaven loves us, and I'm putting all my faith in being taught that He knows what's best for us and He also knows what we can handle. I sure hope and pray that we can handle this trial.

If this baby does survive, which we know is a possibility also, it may only live 1-2 weeks. We know that the baby will be born with birth defects and will go through this life with many handicaps. I just hope that if we are privileged to be the parents to this child for its lifetime, if it survives the pregnancy, that we can be the best parents we can be, that we will be able to give this child all the love and care it needs and deserves, and that our lives will be blessed from being able to raise such a special child of God.

Please, pray for us.