Spring Break in St. George

Just warning you this us a long post with lots of pictures :)

Dar had spring break the week after Easter, and the timing couldn't have been more perfect for us.  With losing our little Nastassia the day before Easter, we decided we really needed to take our planned trip to St. George even more than we needed it before.  I'm SO glad we still decided to go.  It was great therapy for all of us to go be in the sun (although I wish the weather had been warmer for us!) and spend time together as a family and with our BFFs, the McSweeney's.  It was so nice that they were able to come down for the majority of the time we were there too.

While Darwin and I were getting the last of our stuff packed up to leave, Aurora decided to play with the toilet paper.  Awesome.

Once we got to the condo (thanks again, Spencers!! It was GREAT!) Aurora was a little overwhelmed with all of the new things to explore and see.  Her reaction to all the new stuff was pretty hilarious.

 

 

 

We had the first evening there to ourselves, and took advantage of the beautiful weather to eat dinner out on the porch.  It was SO NICE!!!

 

 Messy baby :)

Our Aussies came down the same night we did, but didn't get to the condo until around midnight.  Tuesday was really the only day that was warm enough to go swimming, so that's what we did!  But before we got to the pool, everyone had to check out the big bathtub.  Good times :)

 

The "babies" could only swim in the kiddie pool, but it turned out to be okay.  It's only 2 feet deep, and Aurora LOVED being able to walk around on her own (with Darwin always right behind her), and she LOVED splashing everyone too.  This baby girl LOVES water!  Maybe she is half-fish, as Tracee put it :)

Hanging out in the chilly, shaded kiddie pool in the morning

 Splashing Mr. P

I love this picture!

Doing what she does best in a swimming pool :)

 

 We went back out to the pool after nap time, and it was a lot warmer and sunnier!

 

 

 Rori looking a little water-logged :)

 I couldn't get in the pool, but I got to bask in the sunshine at least!

Dar's best friend from growing up, Bard, and his family live in St. George and we were lucky enough to spend some time with them while we were down there.  My brother and his girlfriend came up from Las Vegas one night too.  It was so nice to see all those people we love but don't get to see often enough.  We miss you guys!!

With Bard and Kerri

 

 The kiddos playing in the tub after lots of swimming in the pool, so we could go into town.

 

 

While waiting for everyone to be ready to go, Aurora and Mr. P thought it was pretty cool that they could see the laundry spinning around in the washing machine.  Great entertainment!

 

We went into town to visit the St. George LDS temple and Visitors Center.  With all the times I've been down to St. George, this was actually the first time I was able to visit the temple.  It's so beautiful, and the evening was perfect!

Us and our Aussies :)

 

 

 My new favorite picture of me and the hubs

 

 We were trying to get another family picture, but Aurora was getting cranky, and this was the only way Darwin could get her to smile for the picture :)

 

Cool night shot Dar got of the temple with Venus shining up by the steeple

Rori and R all tuckered out back at the condo after a long day of fun!

We played at the park for the condo we stayed in...they had really great amenities for everyone.

She would have been perfectly content to play in the sand all day :)

 

Sliding with Uncle Jared

 

 My babes.  Love this picture!

 Us :)

 Aurora got to practice putting sunscreen on herself.  She's pretty awesome.

 

Love the spikey hair!

 

Two of her favorite things: Tracee, and being allowed to play with the electronics

Bard and Kerri introduced us to some new apps, so we spent some time playing our new games.  It was pretty fun for us, although Jared didn't find it very amusing that we were all in the same room, playing games with each other on our phones :)

 

We went back into town one day and the kids got to play at this cool little city center water park thing.  Luckily the sun came out and the wind died down long enough for the kiddies to have a little bit of fun in the water.

 Like I said before, my baby LOVES the water!

 

 Doesn't this pose remind you of that famous Big Foot/Sasquatch photo?

Completely sitting in the chilly water.  Silly girl!

 Dad and baby shadows :)

 At the very end of her fun in the water, Rori got her first big scrapes on her knees. Ouchie!

 We also rode on the St. George Carousal.  Aurora's first merry-go-round ride!

 Jared, P, and R

One of the last things we did was visit the Dinosaur Discovery at Johnson Farm museum in St. George.  It was pretty cool to the rest of us, but it was totally Darwin's forte.  He LOVED it :)

Mud cracks cemented in history

 
This picture shows a skin impression from the dinosaur's footprint.  You can see that it is rough, similar to a dogs paw.

Smoochin' my babs in front of a slab of rock covered in dino footprints

You probably can't tell, but that's a dino butt print, where a dinosaur sat in the mud and it eventually hardened.  There are only 5 prints like this found in the world, and one was in Utah.  How 'bout them apples?

 Tadpole "nests" fossils

Maybe she's going to be a paleontologist when she grows up?

 It really was such a wonderful and much needed, trip.  I'm so glad we were able to go and that the McSweeney's were able to come with us.  We had a blast, and hope we can do another fun vacation soon!  Bring on SUMMER VACATION!!

Easter 2012

Despite our yucky circumstances of the day before Easter, we actually had a very nice Easter this year.  Aurora was totally fun, and loved waking up to find that the Easter bunny had stopped by our house!  We're so grateful for her amazing personality, and that she brings so much light and sunshine into our lives every single day; especially through this amazingly hazy gloom we're trudging through right now.

 

HAPPY EASTER!

Nastassia Grace Deming 4.7.12

The short time we had to think about and ponder over our coming child was short, but our lives are better because of her and the knowledge that if we are faithful we will have the opportunity to not only see our beautiful little daughter again, but we will be privileged to raise her in the next life. Our spirits are eternal. Our mortal life is limited, and a time to be tested. I sure hope now, more than ever, that I will be blessed to be with my family for eternity.

The clearest ultrasound picture we got of Nastassia's cystic hygroma. You can see how severe it was--about half the size of her head, and the growth down her back too.

On Friday, April 6th, at our 16 week appointment we found out that our tiny little baby no longer had a heartbeat and it was confirmed by an ultrasound. We were sent to the hospital a short while later to deliver our still child. We had amniocentesis done before I was induced in order to determine if our baby had a chromosomal disorder (which is what we've been told since the first ultrasound). From the amnio results we received a few days later, it was confirmed that our baby had trisomy 21, more commonly known as Down's Syndrome. We found out today that she didn't have the hereditary form of Down's Syndrome, and we have a 1% chance of having another baby with Down's Syndrome. That's the good news in all of this :)

As we were going into the hospital we decided we wanted to name our little girl

Nastassia Grace

We both liked it and felt that Grace was appropriate given the circumstance. Later in the hospital while we were waiting to deliver our baby, Darwin remembered a reference to the name Nastassia (we pronounce it Na-stay-jya). It is a form of the name Anastasia. In the animated movie Anastasia, they refer to her name meaning "She will rise again." Darwin looked up the name and it means "Resurrection." This deeply touched our hearts and we thought it was most appropriate given the Easter weekend, and knowing that our baby girl wouldn't have the experience of living her mortal life here on earth.

Nastassia's tiny little molds - compared to a dime.

I was given the first induction medication at 8:15pm Friday night and our little girl was delivered at 3:54am on Saturday April 7, 2012. We weren't sure we wanted to see her at first, knowing she had the cystic hygroma and lack of development, but I am so grateful now that we chose to hold her and take what time we could get with her. It was hard to see her, but I will always hold onto knowing that the next time we see her she will have a perfect little body and that she will never have to suffer in a body that was less than perfect. Nastassia was 6 inches long and weighed only 2 ounces. Although she was so very tiny, and never had the chance to become a fully developed baby, she has already impacted our lives enormously! I am so grateful to have been able to carry her for 16.5 weeks. Even though I sincerely hoped to be able to carry her longer, I am grateful for the time I did have with her.
Going to the hospital to deliver our lifeless baby girl and knowing we wouldn't be coming home with her broke my heart. Fortunately, we have a wonderful doctor who takes such great care of our little family, and we love her dearly! Her tenderness and concern for Darwin and I helped make things a little easier for us. We also had great nurses who are experienced in working with parents who go through the same or similar situations as ours, and we will forever cherish the keepsakes we were given at the hospital to remember our little Nastassia--the tiny hand and foot prints, the molds that were taken of her hands and feet, the blanket she was lovingly wrapped in, the mother-baby bracelet I was given, and the beautiful book of thoughts and poems written by other parents who have had the unfortunate experience of losing a child so soon.
This experience has been hard and will continue to be hard, and I also know that I will continue to feel the difficult emotions that come with grieving over the death of a child. Darwin and I are both so grateful for the amazing peace and comfort we have felt and continue to feel. We have been so blessed by the love and support of our wonderful family, friends, doctor and staff, and our ward members. (Thanks again, Trace for taking such great care of Aurora for us!) We are so grateful for the thoughts and prayers in our behalf, including the ones unknown to us. We have certainly felt their impact.

We love you, Nastassia!

Until we meet again, baby girl.
xoxoxo

General Conference: It was for US this time.

Wow. General Conference this weekend was AMAZING!! Although I've always LOVED Conference I've never felt like it was so much meant for me as this past weekend's Conference. WOW!

I'm still amazed at the feeling I got that my Heavenly Father is so aware of what's going on in our lives right now with baby #2. (I can't wait until we find out what we're having so I can actually call the baby by its name. . . . Yes, we already have a name picked out for both genders.)

I was already astonished when several talks given on Saturday morning were about children and parenting. This talk by Elder Packer, and this talk by Elder Koelliker of the Seventy. But then President Eyring's talk from Saturday morning about having faith in trials really hit me in the heart. We missed Saturday afternoon session, and plan to watch it soon, but Sunday morning is the session that struck us the most. Elder Nelson's talk was great for us, but then then big kicker came when Elder Rasband spoke. I cried through ALL of Elder Rasband's talk. I felt like he was talking straight to Darwin and me. I'm even having a hard time keeping the tears back just thinking about his talk again typing about it. My mom said he should have just started his talk by saying, "Darwin and Kiara, This talk is from your Heavenly Father, with love." And it's SO TRUE. I felt the spirit so strongly when he was speaking, and I couldn't keep the tears back. Many tissues were used in the duration of his talk :)

There were several other talks that were perfect for us too, and I honestly felt like every other talk was meant for our family this time. This pregnancy isn't just affecting Darwin, Aurora and me. It's affecting all of our family, and everyone has been so gracious with their prayers and support already. We love this baby so very much and we're all hoping and praying for the best outcome possible.

I just have to thank my Father in Heaven for sending us such a GREAT BIG HUG with so many General Conference talks meant so personally for us and for answering our prayers in so many ways this past weekend. I know that He is aware of each of us. We were His children first before we came to this Earth, and He loves us more than we know. He wants to help us, and He wants us to return to live with Him again. I am so grateful for the knowledge of ETERNAL FAMILIES. I only hope that I can live worthy enough to be privileged to live with my family forever.

Baby #2, and our biggest trial yet.

We are expecting baby #2.

Unfortunately along with this exciting announcement comes some bad news too. It'll probably be best if I just explain how things have happened. Bear with me if you want to read the whole story...it's a long one, but it'll help you understand a lot of what may be going up on our blog over the next few months and what our family will be going through. We're going to need all the love, support, and prayers we can get.

We went in for our first prenatal appointment on Monday, March 12. I hit the 13 week mark the next day. At that first appointment my doctor said my uterus was measuring higher than a 13 week uterus...more like a 15-16 week uterus. She checked for the baby's heartbeat (which was good and strong), and then pulled out an ultrasound machine just to make sure there weren't two babies! That sure made our hearts jump! She could only see one baby (and the baby was even sucking its thumb at one point, so cute), but she still wanted us to have an official ultrasound that week to check the baby's measurements and make sure my due date of September 18th was correct. On Tuesday I scheduled the ultrasound for Friday.

Darwin had Friday off and we were SO excited to go in for this ultrasound and see our teeny little baby again. Aurora was adorable during the ultrasound--she could tell it was the baby on the screen and she'd point at the screen and sign "baby" (which is by far her most favorite sign she knows now...she signs it ALL the time!). It was so precious. She loves this baby just as much as we do already! So...during the ultrasound I could see that the ultrasound tech was measuring what looked like a pocket of fluid somewhere on the baby. I asked what she was measuring and she said she thought it may have been the yolk sack (looking back now, I think she was just trying to be safe with her answer). After she took more measurements she said she wanted the radiologist to come in and look at the baby too. The radiologist came back in with the tech and they took a whole bunch more measurements. It made me a little bit nervous when he had her check and double check to make sure all of the baby's limbs were there, but I was trying to not freak out at this point, even though I could tell something was not quite right. When they were done, the radiologist said our baby had some "thickening" on the back of the head and neck and that the baby's chest and abdomen were measuring larger than they should be. He said he was going to write up the report right away, send it up to my doctor, and that my doctor would probably want to talk to us immediately about the results. We were sent to the waiting room to wait. Now I was really trying to stay calm and not panic, because we really didn't know what was going on yet. It's a good thing Aurora is so dang cute and such a good distraction sometimes. She has really helped us stay sane a lot over the last week.

The baby's right arm. I keep telling Aurora the baby is waving and saying "Hi, Aurora!" She loves it :)

After waiting for a bit, the tech came out and said my doctor did want to talk to us right away so we went upstairs to her office. We waited some more and then she came in. She said it was not good news. She confirmed what the radiologist said about the "thickening" and large body (although the baby is measuring right on schedule according to the head-to-rump measurement they took). She said those signs are indicative of a chromosomal abnormality and that our baby will most likely not survive. I broke down crying immediately when I heard that, and she teared up too. Dar was trying his best to keep it all together. A lot of what she told us after that is kind of a blur, but she said she wanted us to go see a specialist on Monday (which was this past Monday). She was extremely sorry to have to tell us that awful, unexpected news, and I feel bad for her that she has to give news like that to her patients sometimes. I seriously have the sweetest doctor ever. She cried with me when I had the miscarriage back in 2009, too. We love our doctor.

The rest of Friday was really hard for Darwin and me. We both cried a lot. We held each other, and we cried some more...trying to wrap our heads around this complete turn of events. We went to his parents house to talk to his dad and work in the garden to try to get our minds off things. My sweet in-laws took us to dinner to spend some time with us and to let us talk about things. It really helped. After dinner they came to our house and Dar's dad gave him a priesthood blessing, and then Dar gave me one too. We all cried together, but felt comfort and that the Lord is mindful of us.

Saturday we tried to keep ourselves busy by helping to clean our church, run some errands, and we took Aurora swimming for a bit too. Saturday night Darwin and I went to the temple. We REALLY needed it. Probably more than ever before, and we found the peace and comfort we were seeking. While we were there, Darwin and I both felt that even though our situation and the road ahead is going to be hard, the hardest thing we've ever done, that everything will turn out okay in the end. No matter what happens. We're so grateful for the peace and calm feelings we've had, even with the difficulty and weight of what we've learned over the past week.

On Monday we went to the hospital for another ultrasound and to talk to a specialist. He looked at the baby very thoroughly and in as much detail as possible with the baby still being so small. He said that the "thickening" the baby has is called cystic hygroma and extends along the baby's head, neck, and back.

The entire area to the right of the blue line is the baby's cystic hygroma

He also confirmed that the baby's chest and abdomen are larger than they should be, and also confirmed that these are both signs of a chromosomal abnormality. He said that because the baby is still so small it's hard to get a good look at the developing organs, but from what he could see during the ultrasound, he said our baby most likely has a heart defect also. He talked to us for a long time about the implications of what our baby has, and where to go from here. Because terminating the pregnancy is NOT an option for us, because of our own personal choice, we decided to wait a month to do further testing. Mid-April we'll go in for another ultrasound and amniocentesis to have genetic testing done on the baby's chromosomes to find out what kind of chromosomal abnormality our baby has. It will take 2-3 weeks for the results of the amniocentesis to come back. So right now we're just playing the waiting game and trying to live each day the best we can, and take things as they come.

One of the hardest things for me is knowing that we could lose the baby in the meantime. No matter what happens, the road ahead will be extremely difficult at times. We're just trying to hold on to our faith with as much strength as we can muster, and know that our Father in Heaven loves us, and I'm putting all my faith in being taught that He knows what's best for us and He also knows what we can handle. I sure hope and pray that we can handle this trial.

If this baby does survive, which we know is a possibility also, it may only live 1-2 weeks. We know that the baby will be born with birth defects and will go through this life with many handicaps. I just hope that if we are privileged to be the parents to this child for its lifetime, if it survives the pregnancy, that we can be the best parents we can be, that we will be able to give this child all the love and care it needs and deserves, and that our lives will be blessed from being able to raise such a special child of God.

Please, pray for us.

1st "parking" experience

I don't know about you, but we've certainly been taking advantage of and soaking in the awesome spring weather we've been having. Aurora and I have been LOVING going outside to play in the sun everyday!

She was too little last year to really play outside much, but I think she'll get the hang of it this year. Last Friday we met up with our best Aussie friends and played at a couple of parks/playgrounds close by. It was Aurora's first experience trying to play on a playground (and mostly unsuccessful - she just wanted to play with and eat the wood chips) and to swing on a swing by herself outside!! She didn't like the swing at first and cried the first time I gave her a push, but she got used to it after a bit, and even enjoyed it by the end. We'll have to give the slide another chance though.

Bring on more warm weather!! We're more than ready for it!

I promise that's not a scared face--she's singing to herself :)

Enjoying the swing

A teeny smile :)

More singing

Our serious, studious baby.

Dar came and joined in the fun when he got home from work!

And she seriously LOVED the bouncy horse! We'll definitely have to give that one another go.

Beautiful, happy baby!

Dress-Up

I can't believe we're almost half way through March and I haven't done a post yet! Wow. Well, here we go :)

Our little lady is very much just that: a lady. She LOVES to play dress-up and play with baby dolls already, at 14 months, and she has been doing it for a while. I have random dress-up things stashed around the house for her, and she loves to go find them and put things on, or bring them to me for me to put them on her. It's so adorable, and I love that she's such a girl! This is one proud Momma. Here are just a couple of her dress-up pictures (in jammies both times) because I don't take pictures every time she gets dressed up.